#PrayeristheAnswer #LoveistheReason
don't even know where to begin. It is December, not yet cold here in Georgia, where I came to visit my best friend. I am almost thankful for the warm weather, because I love the cold and starry Christmas season and this year I can't deal with it. I am sure that at sometime most people have dealt with these same feelings. Maybe it was a birthday you couldn't bear or a holiday that was hard because you lost someone, but when we lose people, some just hit you harder than others.
Years ago, I had a dear friend whose death was ruled a suicide and I walked around numb for days after, then weeks of being on edge with the ones still living. If there was any way to fix it, I never found it. Whenever I pass his house, I still get that sick feeling in my stomach that if I had done this or done that, would it have made a difference? Was I one of the reasons or people that made him feel alone in some way, so much that he could not take one more second? Loss is hard, sometimes horrible and the holidays make it all harder, but there have been a series of tragedies in my life related to December's loveliest colors: the one we buried on Christmas (my father in law) the one who I last saw on Christmas Day 1984 (my mom), the one who I always visited at Christmas and sang hymns with (my mamaw), the who made Christmas for everyone in her family (Debbie) the ones who are not here this year at Christmas for the first time (our Debbie, my mom in law), the one I could depend on to come home at Christmas (my dad), the one I sang our Christmas song with (Justin) the one who I planned Christmas programs with and led music with (Kevin) the one who called me baby and treated me like I was her daughter too , especially at Christmas (Joan),
and I feel fragile, and also angry.
I feel so broken, so fragile, that the simplest self centered act I see sends me into an inner rage against mans inability to think about anyone but themselves. I am so mad at people for whining over someone hurting their feelings, or how they can't afford good coffee versus cheap, for talking about how country music isn't what it used to be, and how their neighbor is always talking too loud. I am so mad at people who don't appreciate the ones around them and get angry over stupid unimportant inconvenient minute details. I am so mad at people for missing the point of Christmas, for being so self righteous, for hurting their families, for forgetting they are not the center of the universe. We all hurt sometime, every single one of us. You are not the only one in pain!
I am not the only person mourning.
There are millions mourning loss right now. How do I know this? ISIS is beheading Christians, kidnapping children, making sex slaves of women. Someone is shooting someone right now, someone else is trying to revive a dying person, or operating on someone in a hospital, someone innocent is begging for mercy.
And me? I am begging for mercy too. I am begging God to revive our land, raise up the strong men and women who will not "go quietly into that good night" who will love others.
It is as if our world has gone crazy and everyone is griping and whining and grasping at STUFF instead of hugging the ones they love and praying for the innocent and enslaved. I alternate between crying over my own losses, being mad at the world and being so broken hearted for the lonely, left behind, or sad. It has always been my gift (or curse depending on how you look at it) to look for those people who like me are broken on the inside and try to help them in some way.
This year is different though. My strength is gone. My heart is broken, and my light has dimmed. I need God the way we need water. I cannot live without an infusion of his strength. "Like the deer pants for the water so my soul longs for thee..." I sing to him.
I cannot live without his strength, his love, and my reason for being on this earth.
What reason is there to live other than to LOVE?
Ask yourself that. What reason is there to live? It is to love. Love one another. Love someone more than you love money or your stupid car, your fancy house, your big stupid COOL job that makes you feel better than other people until you die.
Whatever, get over yourself.
Just love somebody.
Love the sick, the poor in spirit, the innocent. Love the ones who are hard to love. Love yourself enough that loving your neighbor as yourself actually feels good to the neighbor.
If all you think about is your own pain, then how can you love? If all you think about is what you personally have lost, you will never recover. So in spite of my pain and difficulty, I do love you. I love all of you. I may not always do it right or well. I may not tell you enough, but I love you. I love you because you are valuable to my God and are beautiful in his sight.
Your skin color is a crayon in a box, just another pretty one to color our world. Your religion and your family maybe the paper you color on, but you are God's creature, great or small and I love you. All the stuff in your life that you work so hard to get and impress people with are actually stains and stickers that don't even stick. They are meaningless when you lose someone. They are meaningless when you die. They are meaningless when you go through an illness that you have no control over. This is the time to wake up and start to live.
To live and give love is the reason we are here, because when you start to love, you are a reflection of creation, the design of order in the universe, the perfect cog in the machine that is our world.
Thank God that we are not alone. Thank God that someone somewhere cares even when you don't know it or are able to feel it. Thank God there is something more than this moment
I love you because He loves me.
In the service of all that is bigger than me,
trying to get a grip on my broken heart and to love,
Kim
for a dose of joy and ways to feel happy REad this next post:
Life Lesson 62:
my top 7 habits for happiness.
- See more at: http://www.kimberlycarol.com/101-life-lessons/7habits-of-happy-people#sthash.eXlXBXte.dpuf
Years ago, I had a dear friend whose death was ruled a suicide and I walked around numb for days after, then weeks of being on edge with the ones still living. If there was any way to fix it, I never found it. Whenever I pass his house, I still get that sick feeling in my stomach that if I had done this or done that, would it have made a difference? Was I one of the reasons or people that made him feel alone in some way, so much that he could not take one more second? Loss is hard, sometimes horrible and the holidays make it all harder, but there have been a series of tragedies in my life related to December's loveliest colors: the one we buried on Christmas (my father in law) the one who I last saw on Christmas Day 1984 (my mom), the one who I always visited at Christmas and sang hymns with (my mamaw), the who made Christmas for everyone in her family (Debbie) the ones who are not here this year at Christmas for the first time (our Debbie, my mom in law), the one I could depend on to come home at Christmas (my dad), the one I sang our Christmas song with (Justin) the one who I planned Christmas programs with and led music with (Kevin) the one who called me baby and treated me like I was her daughter too , especially at Christmas (Joan),
and I feel fragile, and also angry.
I feel so broken, so fragile, that the simplest self centered act I see sends me into an inner rage against mans inability to think about anyone but themselves. I am so mad at people for whining over someone hurting their feelings, or how they can't afford good coffee versus cheap, for talking about how country music isn't what it used to be, and how their neighbor is always talking too loud. I am so mad at people who don't appreciate the ones around them and get angry over stupid unimportant inconvenient minute details. I am so mad at people for missing the point of Christmas, for being so self righteous, for hurting their families, for forgetting they are not the center of the universe. We all hurt sometime, every single one of us. You are not the only one in pain!
I am not the only person mourning.
There are millions mourning loss right now. How do I know this? ISIS is beheading Christians, kidnapping children, making sex slaves of women. Someone is shooting someone right now, someone else is trying to revive a dying person, or operating on someone in a hospital, someone innocent is begging for mercy.
And me? I am begging for mercy too. I am begging God to revive our land, raise up the strong men and women who will not "go quietly into that good night" who will love others.
It is as if our world has gone crazy and everyone is griping and whining and grasping at STUFF instead of hugging the ones they love and praying for the innocent and enslaved. I alternate between crying over my own losses, being mad at the world and being so broken hearted for the lonely, left behind, or sad. It has always been my gift (or curse depending on how you look at it) to look for those people who like me are broken on the inside and try to help them in some way.
This year is different though. My strength is gone. My heart is broken, and my light has dimmed. I need God the way we need water. I cannot live without an infusion of his strength. "Like the deer pants for the water so my soul longs for thee..." I sing to him.
I cannot live without his strength, his love, and my reason for being on this earth.
What reason is there to live other than to LOVE?
Ask yourself that. What reason is there to live? It is to love. Love one another. Love someone more than you love money or your stupid car, your fancy house, your big stupid COOL job that makes you feel better than other people until you die.
Whatever, get over yourself.
Just love somebody.
Love the sick, the poor in spirit, the innocent. Love the ones who are hard to love. Love yourself enough that loving your neighbor as yourself actually feels good to the neighbor.
If all you think about is your own pain, then how can you love? If all you think about is what you personally have lost, you will never recover. So in spite of my pain and difficulty, I do love you. I love all of you. I may not always do it right or well. I may not tell you enough, but I love you. I love you because you are valuable to my God and are beautiful in his sight.
Your skin color is a crayon in a box, just another pretty one to color our world. Your religion and your family maybe the paper you color on, but you are God's creature, great or small and I love you. All the stuff in your life that you work so hard to get and impress people with are actually stains and stickers that don't even stick. They are meaningless when you lose someone. They are meaningless when you die. They are meaningless when you go through an illness that you have no control over. This is the time to wake up and start to live.
To live and give love is the reason we are here, because when you start to love, you are a reflection of creation, the design of order in the universe, the perfect cog in the machine that is our world.
Thank God that we are not alone. Thank God that someone somewhere cares even when you don't know it or are able to feel it. Thank God there is something more than this moment
I love you because He loves me.
In the service of all that is bigger than me,
trying to get a grip on my broken heart and to love,
Kim
for a dose of joy and ways to feel happy REad this next post:
Life Lesson 62:
my top 7 habits for happiness.
- See more at: http://www.kimberlycarol.com/101-life-lessons/7habits-of-happy-people#sthash.eXlXBXte.dpuf
